Have you ever had to fix a laptop for a friend or family member?
They probably had a shitty dual core Acer/Dell/HP laptop right?
Yeah, Well they had downloaded so many bullshit torrents, “free downloads” and various other crap that their PC was filled with Winzipper, Seven-zip, PC Performer, PC Optimizer and so much various bullshit programs that you just said “FUCK THIS I’M RE-INSTALLING THIS BITCH!”, and so you did, you either made your friend/family member shell out for a new license of a Windows 7(because fuck windows 8), Downloaded it illegally or by some miracle used the recovery CD that your friend/family member had not thrown away already(this never happens).
So, you pop in the CD or put your newly torrented ISO onto the USB stick and do the usual restart-f12-spamming that you usually do when re-installing a laptop.
You wait an hour for the thing to finish installing and you are presented with your clean desktop, the first thing you do is to try to open Internet Explorer to download 7Zip or various other tool…. then NOPE
You instinctively open CMD and type ipconfig /renew but to now avail. there are no network adapters :O !
You realize that this particular piece of shit laptop needs the Ethernet adapter driver and other various shit to function properly.
So you fire up your computer and go to hp/dell/acer’s website and try to find the drivers…
The first thing you try when you are on said manufacturer’s website is to go to “support” or “downloads” or the “HELP ME PLEASE Q_Q” button.
You find 100 Q&A articles about generic problems that nobody really have anymore.
No drivers are to be found…
You use your Google-skills to search for the laptop name and model number, if you’re lucky you find the laptop product page, there may or may not be drivers on this page, you click it.
You see every little piece of information….. except the “drivers” hyperlink….. Well that was helpful
So you increase your googleyness and do the exact same search again but append “laptop-name zxc drivers” to your search.
the page you are looking at now contains A FUCKTON of bullshit websites that have SEO’ed their way up the google ranks and taken over the first page with their “DOWNLOAD ZXC DRIVERS HERE” bullshit, these files are always some bullshit affiliate malware installing .exe file.
But you already know this, you search throw the first 5 pages to find pages that start with “dell/acer/hp.com” to find the legit drivers.
When you finally find the right page, you are presented with a genius download page where each driver takes you to a “please let us annoy you for awhile before you get to download the drivers”-page.
Of course none of the driver descriptions make any sense, the version number have no meaning to you, and there are 10 different variations of the Ethernet and WiFi drivers.
You take an educated guess to download the latest version of the variation that you have heard of… which is usually the “Intel gigabit blah blah driver version 2.1.210, updated 4 months ago”-driver.
After 5 hours of trial and error you have found all your drivers, installed all the windows updates, which of course froze for 20 minutes, then you rebooted and restored to the last backup, then you installed the updates again successfully, you’ve installed CCleaner, 7Zip and Microsoft Security Essentials(Because it’s free and half decent).
You now pack up all your shit, Leave your friend’s house.
Fast forward a week.
“My computer is slow, and it says that i have a virus and i should upgrade pc-fixer 2000 to remove all the errors, can you come look at it”…. you scream in agony of the stupidity and illiteracy…
To future employer that will no doubt find my blog and read through every single post:
This is meant to be humorous to other IT people, its over exaggerated and is not meant as a hate speech.